Hush…

Hush, they said

Your voice will drive us to the pits

Your words will anger our superiors

For they slice deep into our hearts

For they are the truth we should speak not

And so I spoke not

Instead, I stood back and watched

The pain etched in the women’s faces

The bleak future in the men’s eyes

I heard the laughter in their voice as they did what they knew to do best

And still I spoke not

Until they killed our children

Until there was nothing to live for anymore

And when I did speak,

They gorged my eyes out

They tore at my flesh

Tattering my clothes in the process

They whipped me till my skin was tender to the touch

Nobody lifted a finger to stop them

For they were the superiors and I was nothing

Just a voice

Wrong…

Should you find me

With a bleak look in my eyes

Staring out into the world

Ask not what is wrong

Should you see me

With tears trickling down my face

Caring not of the image I print in the face of my people

Ask not what is wrong

Should you meet me

Speechless as I look into the eyes of the children

Looking sad than they are

Ask not what is wrong

What is wrong, you ask

Wrong is the ashes you have made of our homes

Wrong is the orphans you have made of our children

Wrong is the war you have created on our people

For yesterday

We laughed together

We ate together

We cried together…Wrong

Wrong is what we have now become

Friend…

Take a look at me
Really look at me, my FRIEND
Do you remember me?
Or do you pretend not to

Let me help you remember
Last night you walked with me
Told me of your secrets, or were they lies
And I listened, filled with pity for the person you once were

So, my FRIEND today we meet
And you know me not
Do you not really remember the much we shared?
The dreams we built deep into the night

I thought that we were good FRIENDS after last night
Today I tell you there is a creation
A creation we both helped create and you look at me paler than a ghost
Is it so hard to believe after the good FRIENDS we became last night?

Well, our creation has become my creation
Has become mine and someone else’s
I can take a hint my FRIEND
After all, some plants grow and some do not; this one will not

Hurry Home…

…I stand outside my door waiting…hoping you get here safe and sound. In my mind’s eye, i see you, just the way you were before you left. The warmth in your eyes, the sweet embrace we once shared, the soft raindrop kisses…we had it good old friend, didn’t we?

What i do not understand is what happened to us…all of a sudden, i cannot decipher your emotions. You have become an enigma. Like a stone that gives back no expression, that has been robbed off all speech, sight and hearing…but we both know, don’t we? I am the one who pushed you away.

You do remember the times we shared, right? Under that tall Mugumo tree staring out to the stretch of breathtakingly beautiful land…hearing the rippling waters of the river below us…hearing the chirping of birds singing on the sacred tree…feeling the soft cushion of the grass at our feet, hearing the songs that were carried in the wind that blew on our faces…Hurry home…

I have missed you…I crave for you in my deepest slumber. Raise me from this mountain of despair i have sunk into. Reach for me, old friend, for i have failed you. Rescue me this one time, for you, for me…for us. Surround me…engulf me…teach me once more…please hurry…come back to the nest i destroyed with my selfish acts.

You shall emerge the trouncing hero in all this. For I had my chance and like a fool,I ruined it. I need you..hurry home; I beseech you, and this time stay…keep me company…let us rise like the tidal waves in the sea and conquer…let us reign in the face of all worth defying. For Peace, my old friend, we need each other. Hurry home…so that we may have a chance at living once more.

The Obama Craze…

I might understand the reason why every Kenyan wants to be associated with the American presidential candidate Barrack Obama,but i do not understand why it is the poor Kenyans seem to carry around this notion that he will do something for the country.

If the man does win the elections ( and i hope he does), he will stand and help the people who stood in those long queues and voted for him! Why would he decide to put Kenya in next year’s financial budget for America???? He has enough on his plate as it is and I am sure that Kenya is the furthest thing on his mind at the moment.

Today i watched in growing horror as Kisumu residents ‘voted’ for Obama in the streets. I have got one question. Did these people have no jobs to tend to? I appreciate that the gesture was meant to be seen as a form of support for the guy but i seriously think that this was taking things a bit too far. Kenyans need to prioritize! Yes, watch the polls from home as hundreds of thousands of people are doing worldwide, pray for him, just don’t leave your jobs and go queue in lines to ‘vote’!!!!!! It’s crazy!!

I know we should be proud of the fact that a black man who has his roots in the country is the possible winner to the American Presidential seat but don’t you think its time we worked more on our own problems and stopped concentrating on other peoples??

He might be ours in terms of roots, but he is theirs in terms of home. And whether we like it or not, this country, Kenya, will always come second to America. Why don’t we all go back to our places of work and stop day dreaming about the first black man with a Kenyan background as the next President of the United States of America?

The Promise…

I have a confession to make: my people, I have lied to you. Like a snake that stealthily approaches, i looked for the weakest link and used it to manipulate you.  I doctored all your thoughts knowingly, made promises to you that I knew would get me elected into parliament. With no apologies, I travelled from the dark lit paths into stardom and fortune. I never cared for you. Don’t you see? All I had in mind was me…myself and I !!!!

I can not trade all those years for anything else. I have met a lot of important people, dined with the Presidents of countries all over the world, handled billions of shillings and never once, got enough of what i got. I was like a flood that was never satisfied with taking the lives of hundreds of people, like a hurricane that kept blowing till there was nothing left of the shambles that were once homes of people. Do not cry for me, I have led the life I curved out for myself.

I stole millions of shillings from the government offices and somehow, it was always overlooked. And those roads I said I would fix in our constituency…Huh!!!!! I had businesses to build!!!! Vacations to go for; my children to educate and feed, my wife to sustain, my mistress to please and my ego  to soothe. I am selfish, I know, …and so i came back for more votes. See, the first five years were not enough to make me as rich as I wanted to be, and so I devised a plan. I built you the school you always wanted near home in the last year of my term, that was my pass into parliament for the second term running.

Was it of any surprise to you that I won by a landslide???? Why would it??? You voted for me, the one who ‘tries so hard to fulfill his promises’ you said of me. I was back in my element, a Minister even, and I forgot you. The moment I put my foot into the building, I become money’s best friend, the son to evil and enemy to good.

And so here I lay, life  slowly seeping away from the man I have become. Perhaps justice has been served at last. See, I made a promise to you once my people, Remember? I said that if I ever made you unhappy or angry with me, you would not have to bare with my prescence anymore. Even Wakonyo, My youngest daugher remembers it. This is the one promise I can keep, my people…for my empty promises have led me to this dark and torturous world that sees no light. This is the one promise that will set you and I free… for with this promise, I shall not have to face your wrath.

Charmed….

I never was a believer for charm. In fact, I brushed the whole thing away with little more than a snobbish snort whenever sombody decided to bring the subject up. See, I was pretty sure that anything that presented itself as charm was nothing but a lie. A dreadful lie for that matter. Perhaps I over reacted then but there was simply nothing I could do about it. Until that particular incident…

I was walking in the play ground one beautiful Sunday afternoon totally indifferent to what was going on around me. The children’s happy  noises filled with screams and laughter barely registered as I walked alone, far apart from the crowd. See, I was more happy brooding alone. Or I thought I was, Until I saw him. And what a sight he was!

He was half caked in dust as he tried to reach the ball which had fallen under one of the merry-go rounds. The strain was apparent in the way his shoes dug in the ground and in the way his hand stretched and his fingers inching frustratingly away from the ball. Nobody seemed to notice his predicament. My feet moved aganist my will and before I knew it, I was kneeling beside him, picking the ball. As he turned, I experienced a moment of panic which was quickly quenched by the one smile he flashed. In his mouth were perfect white teeth;on his right cheek, a charming dimple.

His face flushed from the afternoon heat, he took my hand and led me to the field for a game of soccer. As I looked down and smiled at him, I realised one thing; I had been charmed by a five year old. And what a Charmer!

In The Shadows

They said that safety comes with belief , the lack of it caused by misbelief. Yet as I ponder this statement, I cannot help but pause in my path. The midnight countryside air clear of the pollution that normally carpets the City Centres drifts to my nostrils and as I deeply inhale, comes a sudden thought in my head.

Heart pounding, I quickly turn around to see a cat run sillohueted in the shadows. Calming a little, I continue with my midnight stroll, eyes drawn to what I left behind when I chose City Life…by default. Distracted, I walk towards a tree and sit underneath. There In the Shadows, I am free to dream, to see all that the naked eye can see…and only there can I laugh or cry in abandon….

There In the Shadows, I find the false sense of security …yet these same shadows, could be my ruin…My father, My robber, My Peace, My tormentor, My Pride, My shame….

In the Shadows, one thing is for sure…Nothing ever is the same again…For In the Shadows, there is a certain unconceivable change.

Empty Promises…

You said you would be here

To help me drown my sorrows

To help me collect the pieces my life has become

To help me wear my shame like a crown

You said you would dry my tears

You would help me see that no sin was unforgivable

You would see me through my dark times

You would be my knight in shinning armor

For the blinders I wore

I believed you

Hang onto every word you said

And so I waited; waited for my Saviour

Patience, I said to myself…

It turned to self-pity

I had made a fool of myself

For loving such an ingrate

Perfection….

There is a distant land

A land full of laughter

Where sorrow is vocabulary

Where pain is an abnormality

In this land

Women flow like honey

Men are heroes in the naked eyes

And children, children are a blessing from God

Under such perfection

There can be no wrong

For wrong is right

And right, Right

So then, I ask

What will happen

To that woman who can bear no child?

To that man who knows no love?

They can cry not

Moan not, complain not

For their world is perfect

But is the world a World without the emotions that make man Man?

Changes…

Like a knife
Cutting into a day’s tension
The pain, unfelt
The scars, unseen
Tranquility now a normal thing

Yet no one can see or feel the pain like I
For there is nothing more sad
Than disillusionment
Than disappointment
Than changes

Those that bring mutual feelings
Feelings of anger
Those that boil within, rising like a tide
Feelings of disgust
Those that question judgement

For changes make us susceptible to what we become
Who we become
What we become
Who we become
What we become

I Blame You…

Don’t look at me like that. It was your fault. Yours and all the selfish people you keep as company. Do you think I like the conditions you keep me in? That I enjoy this tattered thing that covers us at night???It does not even keep the cold away! And you are too emaciated to keep me safe and warm in your arms. And this excuse of a house…do you think it makes me happy? Its sight appealing? It is nauseating!

A man, you call yourself, I find that downright hilarious…I blame you…you who has no means to untangle yourself from the thoughts that enslave you. You who is a slave in your God-given country.You who thirsts relentlessly for what does not belong to you. And to think I was once the envy of every Njoki, Anyango and Philomena. Then, I was the piece every one wanted. But you had to go and ruin it for me, didn’t you?? Your pride had to destroy what we had made of ourselves.

Not one word of apology came from those stubborn lips of yours. ‘Be contented’ you said…”take it easy’ you said…’give it time’ you said. Time is what I do not have. I blame you for the cold restless nights. I blame you for the vandalism and the smoke that polluted the air. I blame you for the shambles you made of my country.I blame you for my dead child. I blame you for this my traumatized soul whose mantra has become hatred.

What right do you think you have to deny me the right to be happy? To be Carefree and wild??? To fill me with so much rage that at times it overwhelms me???? Who do you think you are to fill me with so much pain? You who is cursed by the earth and skies. You whose greed has seen to the fall of so many. You whose hunger makes me wretch in disgust. You who has made me shed so many tears?

I blame you. You who sees through your eyes in the mirror and finds no wrong. You who created a cocoon by yourself and made your own safe house. I blame you. You whose obsession has broken my heart. I blame you…only you…